I find that I am conflicted by something that is good, but like all things, even those that are good, if not done in moderation, become questionable as to their usefulness.
I am conflicted by my busyness.
Busyness is defined as active or sustained effort to accomplish something. Sounds good to me. And there is no one thing that keeps me busy that I would classify as wasted time or effort. So how then has this become the source of my greatest drain, the source of my stress and tiredness? It does so because in my sustained effort I rarely stop long enough to catch my breath or refuel to the depths of what I should.
This week my Rooted group participated in a two hour prayer experience. There was a part of me that was like, “God, we talk all day long, why do I need to go to the chapel and devote this time to just talking to you? I am efficient; you’ve made me this way. I can pray and type and drive and clean and take care of a lot of people and talk to you at the same time. We do it together all day. Why the isolated activity?”
Of course as I said these things, I cringed, because I was convicted. He wants to talk all the time but he wants my undivided attention. And the truth is I want this time with Him too.
As I sat in the chair in the chapel, I cleared my mind of the agenda thoughts, “What laundry needs to be done? When will I complete that project on my desk? When will shoe shopping fit into my weekend schedule?” I began to talk to God and give back to Him his attributes that I am in awe of. I confessed of busyness because I was so enjoying the prayer time, the focused and uninterrupted conversation. I thanked God for being graciously forgiving.
This is what I heard Him say to me.
I did make you efficient. I did give you gifts that I see you use for good. But this is not just an activity. This is where I get to meet you in an intimate way, where I restore your weariness and refill your confidence. I like talking in all of our conversations but I love when you put that aside to deeply connect with Me.
I prayed for His forgiveness for my foolishness.
As we enter what is classified as the busiest time of the year, be mindful of deliberate and intentional time to pray and be with just God. CS Lewis said, “Prayer does not change God, it changes us.” This is true, so very true.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)